BOONE, NC — During Erin Martinez and Andrew Wilson’s first intimate encounter late Saturday evening, Martinez was overwhelmed with the sense that she’s not as into him as she was three thrusts ago.

“Andrew and I have been hanging out and going on dates for about a month now,” Martinez said. “I thought taking it to the next level would be a good step for us, but this isn’t what I imagined.”

“I guess I was expecting what most girls expect their first time with someone new,” Martinez continued, revealing that by Wilson’s 7th thrust, she was thinking about how bad the new season of the Walking Dead is. “Candles everywhere, rose petals on the bed, and maybe even some music playing. Instead, I got back hair and a small, uncircumcised penis.”

Although Martinez didn’t seem to enjoy herself extensively, Wilson left the encounter beaming with both satisfaction and pride.

“She didn’t even mind me skipping foreplay entirely and just going for it ,” Wilson said as he went to great lengths to explain every painstaking detail of the glorious 8 minutes and 37 seconds. “I think it was the best sex I’ve ever had.”

“Maybe I’m rushing things when I say this,” Wilson continued, “but I think I might want to have sex with her at least one more time.”

At press time, Martinez had been seen on a candlelit date at the Red Onion with a potential new hook up.