Vegan Educates Others On Health Detriments Of Meat Consumption Between Cigarette DragsBOONE, NC — Patrons going outside for fresh air at the Boone Saloon this past weekend were met with an unprompted lecture on the health problems associated with meat consumption given by Junior vegan Terry Gleeson while reportedly smoking his fifth cigarette of the night.

“We have three times the cancer rate as people in the rest of the world because of our meat consumption you know,” said Gleeson while taking in and exhaling a large cloud of smoke. “All these people are doing is driving up hospital costs and damaging their health for no reason, not to mention feeding into a corrupt farming system.”

“It really makes me feel so much better to eat organic, vegan food,” Gleeson continued, as he gradually raised the volume of his voice while lighting his sixth cigarette of the evening. “I don’t want to sound full of myself, but my lifestyle is obviously the right choice when it comes to ethics and living well.”

When Gleeson’s lecture was interrupted by a coughing fit, his surrounding friends chimed in for support.

“Some people just don’t get it,” said Senior and friend Matt Simmons as Gleeson hacked up a particularly large clump of ash. “I mean really, why willingly destroy your health and support unethical big businesses when there are better ways to live?”

The influence of Gleeson’s words eventually spread to all of the bar-goers standing outside who eventually took notice of his fiery rhetoric.

“Yo, I’m too drunk, so I don’t know what the fuck this dude is saying,” said Senior Tyler Riggs. “I’m for sure getting Cookout later though.”

At press time, Gleeson could be seen lighting up yet again while explaining how the economy is controlled by the fossil fuel industry.