BOONE, NC – In news that has left the community in a state of shock and disbelief, but not quite sadness, Boone local and generally awful person Richard Johnson was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer and given a few weeks to live.

Johnson, a 4th generation Boone local, has always made his presence felt in the community, whether he was covering his house in confederate flags, shooting at passers-by that came too close to his lawn, or even occasionally hosting KKK functions.

Due to his powerful personality and strong convictions, Johnson got on the bad side of almost everyone he ever came in contact with, but a few people were willing to talk about some of the positive things Mr. Johnson did.

“He is a very considerate man,” local Rabbi Jeremiah Grabon said when asked about his feelings towards Mr. Johnson, “He always made sure that the burning cross in my yard didn’t spread to the neighbor’s houses and for that I will always be eternally grateful.”

“He grilled a pretty good hot dog,” reminisced boone local Edward Marbury, “I’ve only met a few people who could grill a dog better than Dick. Still a shitty guy, though.”

Since the announcement of his impending death, Johnson has asked for the community to “Leave me the fuck alone” so that he may “ascend into the loving arms of Christ” in peace surrounded by pictures of his family and friend.