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BOONE, NC– Claiming that this is the cutest fucking dog ever, local students recently reacted to a dog being walked on campus as if it’s the last one remaining.

“Puppyyy!” exclaimed sophomore Sarah Weathers as soon as the dog was in her line of sight like there had been a gigantic plague that killed all dogs on Earth except for this one. “What’s his name? Can I pet him?”

Once she was given permission to pet it and learned that the dog’s name was Hank, things really took off.

“He’s so soft,” she said as if she didn’t know the texture of the animal’s fur is pretty consistent with all other dogs, just as though dogs had been banned by the government and being able to touch one was forbidden by law. “What kind of dog is he? Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy? You are! Yes you are!”

Once other people realized Hank was able to be pet and was, in fact, a good boy, more onlookers started joining in.

“This is the best dog ever,” said junior Brett Malkin, almost acting as if this were the last time she would ever get to see such a common animal as the domesticated canine. “I just want to take him home, ha ha.”

“Yeah, and he really is so soft,” added Senior Kevin Romen. “Like really, he is probably the softest thing I’ve ever touched.”

At press time, Hank had been pet by no fewer than 40 people during his walk, during which nobody asked for the owner’s name because Hank is just so goddamn cute.