20170222_123715BOONE, NC– Revealing that it took all of her not to just curl up into a ball and cry, local student Sarah Lynch got her card declined this past Tuesday at the Subway inside Walmart as if already being inside a Subway that’s also a Walmart isn’t fucking bad enough. Lynch, a junior, had never felt so absolutely pathetic in her entire life. “I had to pay in change because my paycheck hadn’t cleared yet,” she said, adding that the cashier watched her the entire time as she painstakingly counted out five dollars in change while the sandwich was held hostage. “All I came in for was ranch dressing, some body wash, and a thick ass BLT. And instead, I left with no money, no dignity, but you bet your sweet ass I got that damn BLT. It was fucking good too.” At press time, Lynch was seen begging for money so she could start shopping at Lowe’s Foods instead.