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BOONE, NC– Jumping at the opportunity to flaunt her superiority over others, straight edge student Danielle Carmen is making it a point on 4/20 to remind everyone around her that she doesn’t smoke. “Wow, is it really 4/20 already? That’s crazy! I don’t even smoke though,” Carmen said matter-of-factly to the janitor cleaning the LLC’s bathroom, explaining that she always looks away whenever she sees her roommate roll a blunt, while simultaneously praying that she won’t go to hell for even being near the dastardly devil’s lettuce even though she thinks that, like, aesthetically, hell seems like it would be pretty freakin’ cool. “Marijuana is a gateway drug. If you smoke, then you’ll probably start doing alcohol soon too! Or maybe even something worse, like adderall! Who knows? I don’t smoke, so I have no idea.” At press time, Carmen was seen pointing out to the preacher on Sanford mall that she doesn’t smoke, but she likes girls so he should just back off.