BOONE, NC – After watching multiple police officers receive national attention for abusing their authority, local police officer Timothy Preston violently assaulted unarmed black school teacher and father of three, Steve Williams, in order to achieve a similar level of fame.

“I’m not racist or anything,” Preston could be seen saying in the dash cam video as he violently beat the defenseless Williams with a crowbar, “I’m just tired of not being famous.”

Preston, who has already gotten two Upworthy articles written about him since the incident, is now really hoping that somebody black and important will become passionate about this case in particular.

“If Chris Rock or some other famous black guy could post something really long and sentimental on Facebook about it, that would be pretty cool,” stated Preston. “I’m also kinda hoping that a bunch of white people start a GoFundMe and raise a bunch of money so I can quit my job and pursue my dream of being a professional artist, but I’m not greedy.”

Preston continued, explaining how he picked who to potentially mutilate.

“I initially was going to pull his 4 year old child out the car and slam her face repeatedly into the concrete until she was unrecognizable, but I figured that would be too brutal for white people to rally behind. Even though it was more of a challenge, black men are pretty threatening so it ended up being a no-brainier.”

However, outside of the two Upworthy articles, the press has been relatively quiet about the entire incident. “I’m beginning to think I need to do this at least a couple more times before I get as famous as I want to be,” Officer Preston lamented, “but I’m not afraid of a little hard work.”