NORFOLK, VA — Following the controversial killing of Cecil the lion in Zimbabwe, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has called for the naming of all individual animals worldwide as a revolutionary new strategy in their crusade against animal cruelty.

“What happened to Cecil was reprehensible and disgusting,” said PETA spokesperson Meghan Heifer in a press statement last week. “But the public outcry over this unspeakable tragedy wouldn’t be the same if it were just some dumb lion. We have to name each and every creature on this planet in a massive drive for universal sympathy.”

Heifer, whose housemates Sam, Markus and Karim Abdul-Jabbar are all Rhode Island red chickens, began the effort by dispatching PETA agents to farms and zoos nationwide, assigning monikers to every animal in sight. This has led to an ever-growing registry including Josh the mayfly, Carol the squirrel, and 37 North Atlantic Halibut named Kevin.

“The goal is to remind people that when they step on a beetle, it was a creature with feelings, dreams, and probably a family,” said PETA agent Michael Jalowka. “We’ll do everything in our power to remind that evil son of a bitch that that beetle wasn’t just some beetle — it was Paul Bighorn, a figurehead of the beetle community, and there are consequences.”

Further steps PETA intends to take will reportedly result in name labels on meat and other animal products.

“I was getting some ground beef at the supermarket when I noticed the new label telling me that a cow named Chuck gave his life for the stroganoff I’m making tonight,” shopper Lisa Welch told reporters. “I bought it and buried him in my backyard instead. It’s a shame, really.”

Separatist movements devoted to naming all individual plant life were unavailable for comment.