PAJAMA

We’ve all been there before man. We wake up one day with the feeling of an overbearing cloud of apathy and restlessness, stare at our pants on the floor and just think, “fuck it, I’m just going in the old pj’s today.”

Despite your laid back attitude and ability to pull off the “I just got out bed 5 minutes ago but I’m really good at being chill about it” look, we all know that someone hurt you deeply, and it’s okay, friend. It’s okay.

Was it a girl? A guy? A cat that may have scratched you on arm after holding it for a few seconds too long? Perhaps it was that stern talking-to your mother gave you after she discovered that you had spent 74 dollars at the ABC store.

No matter what is was, you don’t have to put yourself through this. We are here for you. 

I remember when I was like you. After I found out that my girlfriend was cheating on me with that greasy, trench coat-wearing asshole in my Biology class, I was devastated. I would wake up from a night of binge-eating frozen pizza and watching CSI: Miami in a cold sweat.

Somehow, my plaid pajamas that I hadn’t washed in two weeks found their way into the hole that was my life. I would often just tell myself that those who wear pajama pants to class are too cool for society, but I wasn’t.

I was just a man who was too fucking lazy to put on pants.

Here is some advice: If you’re going to wear pajama pants to school, go all out. You could try wearing the shirt that goes with the pants, that way you can you’re going to a themed party, or that you’re in a school production and you play a character with some unnamed illness.

Hell, you could make it seem like you’ve completely lost your goddamn mind. Eat some cheetos and rub the orange dust all over your pants. Wear crocs. We just want you to be happy.

Remember, we care about you. We understand. Hopefully you’ll get through this and eventually wear a regular pair of pants to school.