By: Anonymous

I was taught throughout my life that if you stand up for what you believe in, people will respect you. At college, I’ve found that this couldn’t be farther from the truth and the only opinions that can be shared publicly must follow the general consensus of the population. But you know what? Fuck it, here it goes: I do not enjoy cheeseburgers.

Let me be clear: I don’t hate cheeseburgers; however, if I’m going out to eat, I’m not going to order a hamburger with cheese on it. In fact, I would go as far as to say that I would rather eat a chicken sandwich or even a salad instead of a cheeseburger.

Yet I walk to my classes every day in fear of the sweeping retaliation awaiting me if I come out to the world as a preferrer of cheese-less burgers.

No, I do not keep kosher. It’s just that I can’t think of a time where I ate a cheeseburger and loved it. Sure, I’ve enjoyed a cheeseburger before, but if I’m at a barbeque and someone asks me whether or not I want cheese on my burger, I’ll say “No thank you, I would prefer if you did not put cheese on my hamburger.”

So sue me, right? But you’d think I had said something horrible given how ostracized I’d become if this came to light. It’s not like I’m saying abortion is murder or that Bernie Sanders would be a bad president. But I have to ask myself: am I well-versed enough in cheeseburger culture to say I dislike all cheeseburgers? Have I tried enough of the world’s cheeses to say I dislike them all on my burger? Am I gay if I think Tom’s ass is sexy?

I don’t know.

What I do know is that the monkey, or more fittingly cheeseburger, is finally off my back. For the first time in my three years at Appalachian State, I have overcome my fear of speaking the unspeakable. I’ve been liberated from the shackles of my own self doubt and am able to scream to the heavens: I PREFER MY BURGERS WITHOUT CHEESE!