12759048715_02bfcedf5f_zBOONE, NC— A new study conducted by researchers at Appalachian State University has confirmed that only you go to Cook Out this frequently and that everyone working there not only realizes it but is completely appalled by your repeat visits.

The study lays out, in detail, just how much food you order from the restaurant in comparison to the chain’s second most frequent customer, who, scientists all agree, doesn’t even come close to you.

“This was a real eye-opener into just how obsessed with fast food this nation truly is,” Dr. Donna Rawlings said of the study. “And when we say ‘nation,’ we specifically mean YOU and your truly horrid diet.”

It also says that Cook Out employees spend an average of 3.6 minutes discussing your order after you leave, with topics ranging from when the last time you ordered that exact same meal to how long they expect you to take to stuff your fat face full of all that trash. “I mean, those guys just destroy you the moment you drive away,” Dr. Rawlings assured. “You’d feel so ashamed if you heard any of it, no doubt about that.”

The report concludes with a page where every scientist who contributed to the study just wrote down how many years they expect this food to take off of your life. Dr. Rawlings explained this section as “not necessary for the final report but just sort of fun to do.” The estimates, she warned, do not look good.