BOONE, NC — As part of a recent effort to bring diversity to Appalachian State’s mostly Caucasian population, Chancellor Everts announced plans on Wednesday to bring in a hard-hitting team of “professional black people” to help provide some much-needed color to Appalachian’s campus.

The team has been hired from a company known as Diversity Distributors Inc., which sends out experts in the trade of being black to fill quotas everywhere from public offices to college campuses. Company president Marcus Harrill has stated that their project’s goal is to make sure that there is at least one black person for every 200 square feet on campus.

“Diversity is clearly important to the university administration — and that’s where we come in,” said Harrill to reporters. “They’ll be blending in with the rest of the students, going to classes, attending club meetings, and popping in for the occasional college brochure photoshoot.”

The initiative is intended to bring the appearance of cultural diversity to Appalachian, for general cosmetic purposes as well as making campus seem “just more cool, you know?”.

“Man, I’m really glad they showed up, that was starting to get bad,” said area white man Jack Patterson. “Thankfully now we can all just forget this was ever an issue and never think about it ever again.”

Local black person Winston Timmons says he’s happy with the new diversity initiative.

“I’m really just hoping that with all these black people around, white people won’t so boldly use the N-word when quoting rap songs at parties.”

Chancellor Everts told reporters that she is excited for the teams to get here, and is looking forward to no longer needing to focus on actually promoting diversity.

“Getting real, organic diversity is just really hard, you know?” said Everts. “So you better believe that the second I realized we could just throw money at the problem, I was all over it. Now we’re diverse. Problem solved!”