pooerscoop
BOONE, NC — After countless instances of coming home to a freshly dropped deuce on his carpet, Irvin Keller decided to take a stand against his dog’s free spirited sphincter and shit in his kennel to see how he fucking likes it.

Quinn, Keller’s three-year-old labrador, has always enjoyed evacuating his bowels in inconvenient places, but the smell of fecal matter and Quinn’s inconsideracy of bathroom etiquette has become too much to handle.

“After Quinn ruined every carpet and pair of shoes I’ve ever purchased I decided enough was enough,” Keller said. “So today when he was at the vet, I scarfed down some Indian food and took a massive shit in his kennel.”

The papadam and curry-scented turd was an alarming six inches in diameter and towered at five inches tall, and was meant to shame Quinn into rehabilitating his behavior.

“I can’t wait to go pick him up and bring him home for a taste of his own medicine,” continued an excited Keller. “It’s gonna be awesome.”

Keller’s roommate, Jason Biller, supported the decision so he can stop living in constant fear of finding fecal matter around the house.

“That dog has taken a shit in my shower, in my bed, and even in my box of Cheerios,” Biller said. “We have a perfectly good yard but he insists on turning our home into a game of shit minecraft. Hopefully, coming home to Jason’s dookie will make Quinn think twice about taking a dump in my mouth while I’m sleeping again.”

At press time, Quinn had rejoiced in finding the gift his master left for him, promptly ate it, and shit it out on Keller’s fifth new rug this month.