BOONE, NC – Local man Justin Franks reported Friday that he has become a hipster god after helping his dad move out of his childhood home. During the move, Franks discovered a veritable treasure trove in the attic of his old garage, including a 1974 Fuji Royal single speed road bike, a collection of over six hundred assorted vinyls, and a clothing collection made up of corduroy pants, jean jackets, skinny jeans, and t-shirts with references so underground that they make Sufjan Stevens cry from pure ecstasy.hipster-artist

“I didn’t think anyone would like any of this stuff, considering the state I found it in,” Franks said.

When pressed for clarification, Franks explained that the bicycle was almost non functioning.

“The chain would fall off if I even hit the slightest bump, and with the shitty road conditions in Boone it’s basically the least practical mode of transportation available,” said Franks.

“Not to mention you can’t even make it up a hill. The thing’s got one speed.”

When asked about the records he found, Franks confirmed that the mold and debris that have gotten into the grooves of the records have rendered them almost unplayable, making them all the more appealing to his new posse.

The clothes, having been stored for almost 40 years without any sort of attention, elicited a similar reaction from area hipsters. Despite the terrible conditions and gut-wrenching stench accompanying the artifacts, they have nevertheless allowed Franks to achieve deity status among hipsters.

Sources reported Sunday that those in any way relevant to Franks’ life still thinks he is some kind of dirty, homeless, hippy