ginger-1

BOONE, NC– After attending the the gym consistently for the past four weeks, witnesses have concluded that sophomore and ginger Gary Platt is working out to improve his appearance despite the fact that he continues to have red hair.

“I was on the treadmill when I saw a crimson head raising and lowering on the pull-up bar,” said eyewitness Raina Williams. “I mean…who’s that for? Like, good for him I guess for getting fit and all, but it’s not really gonna help anything.”

Platt, who started hitting the gym at the beginning of the summer, can now bench press 150lbs and run a 7 minute mile, but still cannot pull off being covered head to toe in gross freckles.

”I started hitting the gym after I didn’t pull any girls my whole freshman year,” said Platt while remaining completely unaware of just how sexually unappealing his genetic deformity is. “I’m a nice, chill guy so I figured the problem was that I was a little doughy.”

Unfortunately, Platt’s friends and loved ones fear that they’ve let it go on for too long to say anything now.

“You hope that your kid will notice these things on their own as they get older and more self-aware,” said Gary’s mother Karen Platt, “but he’s always been such an optimist. The only thing I can really do at this point is keep buying him hats until he figures out that he’s disgusting.”

At press time, Gary was in the process of adopting a dog, learning a romance language, and enrolling in a women’s sexuality class in order to attract girls who would never date such a fucking freak.