unicycle

Boone, NC– Amidst a swarm of girls clamoring for his attention, local freshman Brad Howell told reporters that he had finally discovered the perfect cure for being a boring person: buying a unicycle.

After trying many different failed home remedies including liking a band, dressing better, and even reading a goddamn book, Howell decided it was time to take more drastic measures to make sure that he was no longer labeled as a vapid, shallow husk of a human male.

“Brad is SO fun and different!” says freshman Sarah Greene. “He doesn’t have many opinions about anything, and he doesn’t ever have much to say in conversation, but have you seen the little propeller on the back of his unicycle?”

“I used to beat that kid up in high school,” added classmate Jonathan Beck. “But now that he’s got that unicycle, he’s totally one-upped me on the food chain! I wish I had thought of it first.”

Sources claim that Howell has been clumsily riding his unicycle to class everyday, attracting growing crowds of other freshmen who can only dream of being as well-rounded and charming a person as Brad.

“I’ve introduced myself to the girl down the hall 14 times this semester, and she never remembers who I am,” freshman Ryan Rogers told reporters. “Maybe I should buy a unicycle to let her know I’m interesting too.”

At press time, Howell was seen sporting a handlebar mustache and an unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt; thus, sealing his place in Appalachian history as the most self-proclaimed “interesting man on campus.”