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EARTH– Just imagining all the possible variations that could come to be thanks to the ignorance of humans, evolution is reportedly excited to dish out some really sweet climate change adaptations to the fledgling wildlife. “Oh man, the last time I got to fuck around like this I made dinosaurs,” the Darwinistic ideal recalled, explaining that he hasn’t had this kind of freedom since the great dying period 252 million years ago. The process of determining life on Earth went on to reveal that he’s recently been playing with the idea of making squirrels 20 stories tall and indestructible, adding that gifting cicadas the ability to speak Mandarin or making all snakes have one really muscular hand could be pretty sick, too. “I’m probably going to start small first because I haven’t done this in a while. Maybe I’ll make fish not need oxygen anymore. Or like, have ants live on eating plastic. Who knows? Humans are really fucking up right now so I’m not ruling anything out at this point.” At press time, evolution admitted that he was secretly hoping humans would have a nuclear war already so he could really start having some fun.