16425400_10211949188950889_1228376981_nBOONE, NC– Revealing that this, in fact, isn’t a joke at all, new reports coming out of Appalachian State University exposed that the Office of Equity, Diversity, and Compliance is unironically tucked away in the hallway leading to the exit on the first floor of I.G. Greer.

To reiterate, the hallway leading to the exit of I.G. Greer, which was built in 1950 and may be torn down in the near future, is actually where Appalachian State University, one of the least diverse schools in the country, has decided to place its Office of Equity, Diversity, and Compliance.

“It’s really not that bad,” said Interim Title IX Coordinator Ellen Grulke, who apparently makes sure App State is compliant with Title IX while simultaneously handling sexual discrimination complaints. “I mean, at least I have four walls and a semi-functional door. That’s all I need, I guess.”

“Being closer to the students would be nice,” added Program Specialist Amy Carson, her voice barely audible over the clanking radiator. “There’s only a handful of people that actually know we’re down here, so we’re always excited when we get visitors!”

Other members of the EDC staff include Susan King, the diversity education and outreach coordinator, and Sonye Randolph, who is responsible for, I shit you not, investigating cases alleging employee and student-related sexual misconduct, including sexual assault, sexual harassment, dating/domestic violence, and stalking, as well as cases alleging violations of the university’s harassment, discrimination, and retaliation policies.

“Reaching out to members of our community is pretty hard from this hallway,” King admitted. “Sometimes, I’ll throw a bunch of brochures about diversity at students as they try to leave the building, but that doesn’t really work all that well.”

“Yeah, and I’m sure the university will move us somewhere better when they can,” added an exasperated Randolph as she tried to siphon through the growing stack of sexual misconduct cases on her desk. “There’s open spaces in the Student Union, but I’m told those are for way more important things.”