Screen Shot 2017-11-09 at 2.43.39 AMBOONE, NC— Citing his growing unhappiness and lack of desire to get up in the morning, depressed junior Will Sprague says that he is now considering taking a semester off from college in order to have more time to fix absolutely none of his problems.

“School is just getting to me lately, you know?” the student told reporters. “Every day, I have the same feelings of emptiness. I feel like maybe returning home to Gastonia for a semester would give me a chance to amplify those feelings without ever addressing them in any particularly constructive way.”

Sprague explained that he really needs some time to relax and calm his nerves and that taking a semester off could be the perfect opportunity to instead be forced to work a full-time job back in his hometown.

“I know working at the Hardee’s five or six days a week might not seem like it would be any better for me than staying at school, but…” The student then stopped talking without finishing his sentence.

The decision to return home has been met with uproariously mild support from Sprague’s parents.

“We will gladly welcome our son home, but that doesn’t mean we won’t also hint at how he’s throwing his life away by making this decision,” Sprague’s father said. “It probably won’t be hard for me to slip in at least one or two of those remarks per day.”

The man went on to explain how else he plans to temper any hope his son might currently have for some mental recovery.

“Will told us that what he really needs is to just sit down and talk with a therapist once a week. So, we’ll do all we can to get him to stop wishing for that to happen by reminding him that our health care won’t cover such meetings.”

At press time, Sprague was experimenting with whether sighing helplessly out his bedroom window could possibly provide him with any temporary relief.