snow_yosefBOONE, NC – With the second Ice Age finally upon us, Chancellor Everts has yet to send an email cancelling tomorrow’s class and friends of the Chancellor have revealed that she has no plans to do so either.

“It’s just a bit chilly,” Everts told her friends in regards to the apocalyptic weather conditions, “And all the streets and sidewalks are salted so it shouldn’t be a problem! Remember, they wanted to go to school in the mountains!”

With the temperature hovering at around -56 degrees fahrenheit and sheets of ice and snow raining down, most students have elected to skip Tuesday’s class regardless of whether there is an email sent excusing them or not. The rest of the students, predominantly on campus residents, decided to brave the weather and go to class anyway.

“I lost my friend Brian along the way!” Local freshman and on campus resident Peter Evans yelled, “But my teacher grades on attendance and I really need that A! If I don’t make it, tell my mom I’m having a really good time!”

The winter weather has been even harder for off campus students. A police report recently confirmed that at least 35% of the residents of the Cottages of Boone perished when the roofs began caving in 32 seconds after the day of reckoning began. Those numbers are expected to rise considerably due to the survivors having to manage with no running water, electricity, or heat since it all shut off 4 seconds into the storm.

Amongst all the commotion and rising death toll, Appalcart has continued to be fully operational and running on time. “I literally cannot drive any worse,” said local Appalcart driver Victor Samuels, “And now there are no cars on the road so I can safely drive in both lanes without fear of someone getting in my way.” He did, however, express some concern for a few of the students who “dropped dead” before they could get on the bus and that the few that made it on the bus were shivering and turning blue, but as Samuels puts it, “that’s above my pay grade.”

As more reports are coming in, it appears the students that didn’t attend class or live in the cottages have mostly survived. “Yeah, I didn’t really need to put my life at risk for my Tuesday classes,” said local Sophomore on campus resident Jeremy McMichaels, “but I might have to on Wednesday. I think I have a test.”