World & U.S.

Energy Companies To Allow Residents Of Fracking Areas To Choose Flavor Of Water Supply

Energy Companies To Allow Residents Of Fracking Areas To Choose Flavor Of Water Supply

In a move energy industry lobbyists are calling “just super neat,” officials from several major energy companies announced Thursday plans to begin offering residents of North Carolina fracking areas the ability to choose the flavor of their water supplies. “We felt that this new policy would be a great way to give back to the communities who have sort of[Read More…]

October 27, 2014 Business, World & U.S.

Breaking News: No One Knows What This German Woman is Saying

KARLSRUHE, GERMANY – New reports coming to us directly from our international team situated in Germany can confirm that they cannot presently understand what the German woman they are interviewing is trying to tell them. Sources tell us that our crew managed to obtain a dictionary that is capable of translating words from German to English and vice versa, although[Read More…]

March 19, 2014 World & U.S.
Man Getting More and More Suspicious of Neighbor’s New Plane

Man Getting More and More Suspicious of Neighbor’s New Plane

BANJARMASIN, INDONESIA – An Indonesian man now tells reporters that he is growing awfully suspicious of his next-door neighbor’s recently acquired jetliner. The interviewee admits that he was unable to witness his neighbor obtain this huge plane, but what he does know is that it was not there when he left for work, and when he returned home that night,[Read More…]

March 19, 2014 World & U.S.
Several Dead in Tragic Pythagorean Theorem Incident

Several Dead in Tragic Pythagorean Theorem Incident

PENSACOLA, FL – It was a shocking scene earlier this week as four people burned to death after their would-be savior’s skill in geometry proved insufficient to save them. A junior Communications major who transferred from the Psychology department upon learning that math was involved, near-hero Michael Peterson was the only person nearby when a fire broke out on the[Read More…]

March 5, 2014 World & U.S.
Family Spends Day Protesting and Enjoying SeaWorld

Family Spends Day Protesting and Enjoying SeaWorld

PASADENA – The Jennings family has just returned from their family vacation to San Diego for a fun day of protesting SeaWorld’s abuse of sea creatures and visiting all of the park’s attractions as well. The family explained that they were obviously very unhappy with the park’s blatant mistreatment of every one of their animals, but after two hours of[Read More…]

February 5, 2014 World & U.S.
North Carolina Legislators To Allow Firearms For Children

North Carolina Legislators To Allow Firearms For Children

RALEIGH – Following a string of bills passed to allow guns in a wider variety of places, the General Assembly is reportedly considering a similar measure allowing concealed carrying permits for children ages 3 and up. The recently-proposed legislation is known by its proponents as the NC Weaned to Firearms Act (or NC WTF) and would “bring a much-needed sense[Read More…]

November 20, 2013 Politics, World & U.S.