Sports & Entertainment

CNN to Hire M. Night Shyamalan to Direct Malaysia Flight 370 Coverage

Citing a downshift in both interest and hope regarding the issue, CNN announced on Sunday that formerly-critically-acclaimed director and avid twister enthusiast M. Night. Shyamalan would be joining the network as head director of CNN’s still ongoing coverage of the missing Malaysia Flight 370, in order to add a bit of excitement to what CNN executives have referred to as[Read More…]

April 16, 2014 Sports & Entertainment
Top 10 Performances to See At Coachella (Weekend 2)

Top 10 Performances to See At Coachella (Weekend 2)

10. Dr. Funke’s 100% Natural Good-Time Family-Band Solution 9. Metallica feat. Lou Reed hologram performing Lulu in its entirety 8. Motorhead, but only because your dad told you to 7. Andre 3000’s second cousin’s brother doing a solo acoustic set 6. Toby Keith playing in an eagle’s nest 5. Fat Larry’s Band 4. The last song in the Pixies’ set,[Read More…]

April 16, 2014 Sports & Entertainment
Halftime Performance of A Streetcar Named Desire Was The Clear Highlight of Thursday’s Game

Halftime Performance of A Streetcar Named Desire Was The Clear Highlight of Thursday’s Game

BOONE – Attendees agree that the surprise halftime performance of the Tennessee Williams classic A Streetcar Named Desire in its entirety by App State’s drama club was, without a doubt, the best part of Thursday’s basketball game against Western Carolina. Students watching were rather shocked and confused when the play began, but by the end of the act two every single[Read More…]

February 26, 2014 Sports & Entertainment
I Think Appalachian State Basketball Might Have Won, Maybe

I Think Appalachian State Basketball Might Have Won, Maybe

BOONE – Based on secondhand reports and general student hearsay, the Rotten Appal sports staff have determined that the school basketball team probably has been winning some games recently. “Yeah, I think they’ve been doing okay,” speculated the team’s fan. “I was just sitting in the Convocation Center minding my own business when a game broke out. I guess they[Read More…]

February 19, 2014 Sports & Entertainment

Multiple Celebrities Revealed to Be Tyler Perry

The acting world was thrown for a loop earlier this week when several popular actors were revealed to all be fictitious roles played by comedian Tyler Perry. Foremost among them, actors Tom Cruise, Matthew McConaughey, Matt Damon, Ethan Hawke, and Mark Wahlberg all turned out to be characters that Perry created in an attempt to step outside of his usual[Read More…]

February 12, 2014 Sports & Entertainment
Peyton Manning Forced to Continuously Relive February 2nd’s Super Bowl XLVIII

Peyton Manning Forced to Continuously Relive February 2nd’s Super Bowl XLVIII

DENVER – At a press conference on Monday morning, Denver Broncos quarterback and recent Super Bowl victim Peyton Manning spoke candidly to the press, explaining frantically that the preceding Superbowl Sunday had lasted 10,000 years as a time loop with Manning as the only person aware of the phenomenon. Overwhelmingly voted NFL MVP for the 2013 season, the future Hall-of-Fame[Read More…]

February 5, 2014 Sports & Entertainment

Studies Show That Rescue Animals Actually Hate Sarah McLachlan’s Music

BOONE, NC– A recent survey by the Center for Shelter Dogs has shown that animals in ASPCA rescue centers actually despise the music of Sarah McLachlan, despite the organization’s continued use of the music in their commercials. “We played Mrs. McLachlan’s music in over one hundred ASPCA shelters across the nation, and the results were shocking,” CSD Director Amy Marder[Read More…]

December 25, 2013 Sports & Entertainment

App State Athletic Dept. Reaches Out to Fantasy-Football-Playing Students

BOONE, NC– The football staff at Appalachian State has announced that, effective immediately, students finding success in their fantasy football leagues will be interviewed for Mountaineers coaching positions. Facing struggles with App. State’s season, athletic director Charlie Cobb made this decision “out of desperation,” he told the Rotten Appal this week. “We’ve seen promising team management skills around campus from[Read More…]

November 2, 2013 Sports & Entertainment