Politics

Exit Polling: Watauga Elected Foxx to Keep Her Away

Exit Polling: Watauga Elected Foxx to Keep Her Away

BOONE, NC – A full month after Watauga County and the nation cast votes sending a Republican majority to Congress, polling data returns have indicated that the local voters who supported incumbent Representative Virginia Foxx did so mainly to keep her in Washington and out of Boone. Foxx, a Congress member since 2005, has been the target of much criticism[Read More…]

December 1, 2014 Politics
Democratic Party Not Mad At Non-Voters, Just Disappointed

Democratic Party Not Mad At Non-Voters, Just Disappointed

BOONE, NC – With the buzz of election day come and gone, it’s time for the annual polling data to show specific demographics of voter turnout. The Watauga Democratic Party expressed its opinions in a press release Thursday, specifically highlighting the scarcity of voters age 18-20. “We’re just so disappointed in the lack of young voter turnout,” Watauga County Board[Read More…]

November 10, 2014 Politics

Fact-checking Tuesday’s Hagan/Tillis debate

This past Tuesday, Senator Kay Hagan and challenger Thom Tillis met in Raleigh for their second televised debate in preparation for the midterm elections on November 4th. We at the Rotten Appal have fact-checked several of the more ambiguous remarks from both candidates for your convenience. Thom Tillis: “I have had the distinct pleasure of serving as North Carolina’s Speaker[Read More…]

October 13, 2014 Politics
Pat McCrory Discovered To Be Three Children Standing On Each Other’s Shoulders

Pat McCrory Discovered To Be Three Children Standing On Each Other’s Shoulders

In a stunning blow to North Carolina’s GOP establishment, Governor Pat McCrory was removed from office Tuesday after it was discovered that he had actually been three children standing on each other’s shoulders the entire time. The children, identified as Jeffery Montague, David Tills, and Thomas Rucker, all students in Mrs.Fuller’s second grade class at Johnson Elementary School in Raleigh,[Read More…]

October 6, 2014 Politics
Bad Thing on Campus Found To Be “100% Obama’s Fault”

Bad Thing on Campus Found To Be “100% Obama’s Fault”

BOONE, NC — After extensive investigation, a definitively negative event or occurrence on the campus of App State has been conclusively attributed to the Obama administration. The investigation, which absolutely happened, found that any number of inconveniences can be “directly” tied to Barack Obama, including whatever thing you particularly hate. “It’s so frustrating to me that thanks to Obama, I[Read More…]

October 6, 2014 Politics
Journalism Major Excited For Chance To Be Decapitated In One Of Many Exotic Countries

Journalism Major Excited For Chance To Be Decapitated In One Of Many Exotic Countries

BOONE, NC– Following the second beheading of an American journalist by terrorist group ISIS in the last month, ASU journalism student Jeremy Collins told reporters Tuesday that he is excited for the opportunity to cover stories and then subsequently be decapitated in any one of many different interesting countries all over the world. “It’s always been my dream to travel[Read More…]

September 15, 2014 Politics, Student-Life
Government To Start Selling Boxed Chocolates Door-To-Door In Desperate Attempt to Reduce Debt

Government To Start Selling Boxed Chocolates Door-To-Door In Desperate Attempt to Reduce Debt

WASHINGTON, D.C. – After exhausting all potential solutions to remedy a rampant US deficit amassing over $17 trillion, government officials announced earlier this week their sharp-witted plan to reduce the debt by selling boxed chocolates door-to-door. President Obama passed the initiative following his veto of other propositions such as a car wash, kickstarter campaign and a benefit concert, all of[Read More…]

April 16, 2014 Politics

Man Won’t Give Up On Belief That The Government Is Out To Get 25% Of His Yearly Income

CLEVELAND, OH – Just the latest in the never-ending string of conspiracy theories, local accountant Richard Potosky, has been informing his clients of his belief that the government is somehow attempting to collect 25% of every American’s annual income.  Basing his suspicions on what he says to be “firm and undisputable evidence,” the man has set out to convince folks[Read More…]

April 9, 2014 Politics

Vicious Attack Ads Connect U.S. Representative to Congress

TOPEKA, KS – A new series of attack ads have surfaced linking Representative Matthew Johnson of Kansas to the United States Congress. The ads could be damaging to the Johnson campaign now that the U.S.’s legislative branch has an all-time low approval rating among the nation’s citizens and is not something that most representatives would want to be connected to[Read More…]

April 9, 2014 Politics
North Carolina Legislators To Allow Firearms For Children

North Carolina Legislators To Allow Firearms For Children

RALEIGH – Following a string of bills passed to allow guns in a wider variety of places, the General Assembly is reportedly considering a similar measure allowing concealed carrying permits for children ages 3 and up. The recently-proposed legislation is known by its proponents as the NC Weaned to Firearms Act (or NC WTF) and would “bring a much-needed sense[Read More…]

November 20, 2013 Politics, World & U.S.