anderson cooper v.2


LAS VEGAS, NV — Marking a landslide shift in American politics, sources confirmed Wednesday that CNN anchor Anderson Cooper is now the leading candidate for the Democratic presidential nomination following his strong showing at Tuesday night’s debate.

Showing confidence, poise, and a willingness to stand his ground, Cooper blasted past frontrunners Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders literally overnight, with initial estimates giving him an overwhelming 70% of the national Democratic vote not even 24 hours after the debate. Cooper’s no-nonsense attitude resonated with many viewers who felt like other candidates weren’t getting to the point.

“Did you see how well he kept people from avoiding the real questions?” said 23-year-old accountant Sheila Goff. “He was like a hawk. A gorgeous, silver hawk who knows how to get things done.”

Cooper’s complete lack of a political background of any kind did not appear to faze his supporters, who claimed that his cool demeanor and suave charm more than made up for his relative inexperience.

“I mean, just look at how easily he made Bernie Sanders discuss electability,” said 34-year-old interior designer Sean Hathaway. “Like, I have no clue what his policies on gun control are, or what he thinks about the environment, but you can bet no matter what he did about those things he would look really cool doing them.”

At press time, a growing throng of Cooper supporters had flooded CNN’s headquarters in Atlanta with signs reading “Cooper’s Troopers,” and “Don’t be a dupe, vote for Coop.”