1. Use an everyday belt from your wardrobe as a makeshift lash. Whip yourself on the back once for every impure thought you have.
  2.     Carry a small bible in each hand. Hands full of the Holy Scripture can’t cop a feel!
  3.     Hang a crucifix above your bed. A constant reminder of our Lord’s suffering will keep you from both self-abuse, and disgracing yourself with another!
  4.     Put all of your sexual frustration into manual labor. Dig a hole or carve a communion goblet. Your options are virtually endless!
  5.     Avert your eyes from all humans in general. Remember: if you’re seeing, you’re sinning!
  6.     Fast.  Depriving yourself of food long enough will be exhausting and you’ll have no remaining energy to sin with your mortal body!
  7.     On the flipside of number 6: eat lots of unleavened bread and room temperature water. This will make you too sluggish and bloated to disrespect the body God gave you.
  8.     Ask a parent or guardian to chaperone you at all times.
  9.     Pray. Like. Crazy. If your eyes are open for more than three minutes, you’re living a sinful life.
  10. Get married super early on in life! Like, as soon as it’s legal. Committing to one person for the rest of your life just to have guilt-free sex with them is the most popular way out of abstaining in your teens.